Those Phrases shared by My Parent That Helped Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk among men, who still internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."